there is a fine line between green and jaded....

actually, the line is pretty thick, but somehow without realizing it i've managed to ford my way across to the dark side. in a certain light it looks like my band still has opportunities to hit that breakthrough we've worked and sacrificed so hard for these last eight years. but in many more lights any hope of making a living doing this seems futile. there was a time when a record label would express the smallest hint of interest, and we would flip our lids to do whatever we could to see it through. nowadays, those interests are met with laughter and yawns. you would need jumper cables to get our hopes up again.

despite all of this, i spend a lot of time thinking about where the band has taken me. we have been to four different continents, traveled across america several times over, met some weird and interesting people, seen some unbelievable stuff, and been on loads of adventures. much of it was a blur. and there are many more to come. possibly another few trips to europe...maybe a trip to brazil.

salim nourallah has this quote that i think is one of his best lyrics. he says "youth is a prank...." i look back at myself when radiant were at our peak, and i think "what an ungrateful idiot." we were being met all these amazing opportunities and i was never satisfied. we would take one big step and my focus would immediately shift to the next one.

i wonder if it's too late to get back to the other side of that line. in the meantime, i am working on that living in the moment thing.